Whites to boycott Woolies

I came across this really funny take on the whole Woolies saga...

See below - Compliments of Hayibo

Whites to boycott Woolies until their craving for salmon becomes too strong!

White South Africans say they were will boycott Woolworths for as long as possible to punish the retailer for allegedly refusing to employ whites. “I will never shop at Woolies again, until later this afternoon when I will go and get salmon and malva pudding,” said one irate shopper.

In a wave of activism not seen since the SABC broadcast the Survivor finale out of sequence, thousands of whites have reacted with outrage over allegations that Woolworths reserves certain jobs for black, coloured or Indian applicants.

“We are going to fight this injustice every inch of the way, until we get bored, possibly by the weekend,” said Marie-Antoinette Guevara, 50. “We need to protect the right of minorities, or, in this case, the right of a minority to keep earning eight times more than the majority.”

Clive Frothing-Rayge, 42, said it was “total reverse racism”.

“Why is racial discrimination OK in 2012 when it was wrong under apartheid?” he demanded. When it was put to him that affirmative action favouring blacks was an attempt to redress 350 years of affirmative action favouring whites, he stuffed cheese in his ears and yelled, “Nya nya nya nya not listening!”

Chante Neocon, a mother of two, said it was “disgusting” that neither of her daughters could apply for a job at Woolworths. Asked if they had wanted to apply, Neocon said, “Oh God no! I would be laughed out of Bridge Club either of my girls worked at Woolies. But it’s the principle of the thing.”

According to Connie Servative, the best way of showing Woolworths that they had “crossed the line” was by destroying their products.

“In fact, me and my girlfriends are going there this afternoon, and we’re going to buy 20 kilograms of meat, and then burn it in public,” she said. “Well, more like char it, and maybe marinade it first. Yes, OK, it’s a braai.

“But we’ll definitely congregate around the pool with a martini and have an angry conversation about how kak life is for whites. And in case we want to use strong language, we’ll ask Precious to take the kids inside, and maybe Wellington can take the dogs for a walk too, because you know how they get around meat. Dogs, I mean, not blacks.”